Featured Short Letter

This Week - Thorny Consequences

What do you think about a woman who has children, remarries, and still keeps her ex-husband's name while married to a new man? Is it for the sake of the children?

I don't see that is the case with my fiancé's ex because she has no problem abusing him or me or both of us in front of the children. She's even driven down the road in a fit of rage screaming profanity about us with the children in the car. How do we know that? Because we heard it over the cell phone.

Giovanna

Giovanna, her decision about her name is neither here nor there. It is a decision totally within her control and totally beyond yours. If she wants to call herself Elvis Presley, Mother Goose, or Punxsutawney Phil, she can. Since this is something you can do nothing about, let it go.

You are faced with more serious problems. Your life is about to be linked with a woman whose behavior is out of control. How are you going to deal with her? How are you going to protect the children from her rage? These are the questions you need to answer. Once again, we recommend Susan Forward's book , Emotional Blackmail.

Wayne & Tamara

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Last Week - Vicious Vixen

I'm in a long-distance relationship at the moment. I love my boyfriend very much, and the relationship is good. Recently I met someone and things kicked off really fast between the two of us. We are really interested in each other. It feels as if we've known each other for years. We are comfortable with one another and really open and honest.

I don't want to push the issue of an official boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him. My suggestion is we remain as friends, then we can determine if we should remain as friends or if something was meant to develop out of this. If something deeper develops, at that time I'll deal with the situation with my boyfriend. Am I wrong in this?

Dawn

Dawn, on the sly you're trying to lynch your boyfriend. You've built the scaffold, put the hood over his head, led him up the stairs, and tightened the noose. Now you're positioning him over the trapdoor. Before you drop the door, will you tell him he's at a lynching?

C'mon, can't you do things in the right order? Horse, then cart. Break up with the old before starting the new. Your old boyfriend thinks he has a girlfriend, and he doesn't. What might he think when you break up with him? That women are sneaky, nasty creatures. And with you, he's going to be right.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else, but the honorable course is to end one relationship before starting the next.

Tamara

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Two Weeks Ago - Lola Wants

I will admit I did not know my husband well when we married. We are both in our early 50s, and I wanted to find someone to spend the remaining years of my life. What I have come to realize is he is still a little boy who is self-centered and uses his anger to control me.

I feel he will lie to me to get his way. For the most part we cruise along with not a lot of acrimony, but underneath the surface I don't trust him doing things in the best interest of our marriage. He did cheat on his first wife, and I found e-mails to and from a woman I don't know.

I get angry sometimes because he pretty much does what he wants, yet I have a nice house, don't have to work, and things are okay most of the time. I have a history of lousy relationships. I don't want to go into therapy, and I don't want to start over again either.

Lola

Lola, you don't want to lose your nice house, you don't want to work, you don't want to go into therapy, and you don't want to start over. Based on what you've said, we suggest you call David Copperfield, the magician.

A man who has walked through the Great Wall of China, levitated over the Grand Canyon, and made the Statue of Liberty disappear may be able to help you. But we can't. What you want is a magic trick.

Tamara

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