Featured Short Letter

This Week - Why?

I met Sean a year and a half ago in a crowd of 50,000 people. We struck up a conversation and really hit it off. He gave me his number, which I forgot. I thought about tracking him down, but figured if it was meant to be we would meet again. Three weeks later I got a phone call from him, and we have been together ever since, until about a month ago.

I left my friends and my life that I was used to. Everything was fantastic, we were in love, we thought we were going to get married. We just mentioned it a few times, but it wasn't really a topic of conversation. Anyway, something changed in Sean two months ago.

He didn't cheat that I know of, but in a week's time he broke up with me, demoted himself from a high ranked position at his job, and became depressed. He went to the doctor and is doing better now, but I am confused. How can everything be so great and all of a sudden he changes his mind about everything in his life?

He still likes to have sex and hang out with me sometimes, but doesn't have any interest in getting back together. I need to stop showing interest in him, I think, and get on with my life, but I am having a hard time doing this. Why is he acting this way, and is there any way we will be together again?

Jessica

Jessica, most people never find out the true why behind another's actions. Everyone wants the imaginary "closure," but the closure they want is to have what they want. That is why almost no one gets closure.

As a psychological concept, closure doesn't work. When a relationship ends, people don't want to learn why, they want to learn why not. They want to fix it. But if a man used a woman for sex, how will learning the truth give her closure? If a woman never loved the man, how can that truth give him closure?

You are not in a relationship with Sean, but he is having sex with you. He sounds like somebody with a plan for himself. Friendship sex is not in your best interest. You need to stop having sex with him and move on. Asking why only traps you.

Wayne & Tamara

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Last Week - Personal Finance

I'm usually good at deciding things, but this one's got me. I recently landed a good job that pays even more than my mother makes. My mom advised that I open a bank account jointly with her. Is this necessary? I mean, I'm 24. I live at home, but I contribute substantially.

Sophia

Sophia, in some circumstances it might be advantageous to share an account with your mother. For example, if she were elderly or infirm, adding your name to her account would allow you to bank for her. But there is no such reason here.

Whoever controls your purse controls your life. You are an adult woman fully capable of managing your own affairs. That is what you should do.

Wayne

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Two Weeks Ago - Theoretically Speaking

My relationship started off as a holiday romance and has had trouble developing into a normal relationship. We met in Spain and fell for each other immediately. We were both over the moon, but when we moved in together, things began to deteriorate.

He wasn't sure what he wanted. I felt neglected and reacted badly by contacting an old flame. He thinks I nag. Once, in a rage, I told him I don't want to be with him anymore. Now he's angry and refuses to speak to me until he thinks things through. It upsets me because I know we're both very much in love, but no matter what we do we can't seem to make it work.

Jayne

Jayne, in science competing theories are tested against each other to determine which is true. You believe you and your boyfriend are in love. That is your claim.

We have an alternative hypothesis. It was a holiday fling. On our side we point to verbal rage, nagging, confusion, and unfaithfulness. What evidence is there for your theory?

Wayne & Tamara

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