"When someone loves and values you, you begin thinking that you are worth caring about. Love really does heal, and sometimes more than just heal; sometimes, it saves." --E. Mavis Hetherington

   If you are interested in social science findings about divorce, this is a book to read.

   Mavis Hetherington conducted the most comprehensive study of divorce ever done in the United States. She examined nearly 1400 families for as long as three decades. What she found was that much current writing on divorce focuses on the negative effects of divorce while ignoring its sometimes considerable positive effects.

   Hetherington found that divorce often rescues adults and children from the horror of domestic abuse. In addition, she observes, divorce can offer a remarkable opportunity for life-transforming personal growth, especially for women and girls.

   In For Better or For Worse, the author questions myths about divorce like "Children Always Lose Out After a Divorce," and "Men Are the Big Winners in Divorce."

   At the same time, her presentation of divorce is balanced. She presents both sides of the coin, not as an advocate for either, but as a scientist interested in recording the facts as objectively as possible.

   Judith Wallerstein conducted a small-scale, statistically invalid study of the children of divorce which received a great deal of publicity. Her "findings" were reported in the book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. About herself, Wallerstein said, "I am probably considered the foremost authority on the effect of divorce on children and parents in this country."

   In reality, the foremost authority on the effects of divorce is Mavis Hetherington, though it is not a title she would claim for herself. For Better or For Worse will be of most interest to students of the social sciences and members of the counseling professions.

From For Better or For Worse:

--"…divorce is a reasonable solution to an unhappy, acrimonious, destructive marital relationship. It can be a gateway to pathways associated with joy, satisfaction, and attainments, not just with loss, pain, and failure."

--"The reason our current view of marital failure is so unremittingly negative is that it is based on studies that have only examined people for a year or two after divorce, and a year or two is not enough time to distinguish between short- and long-term effects. Additionally, many divorce studies…are unable to distinguish between problems common to all families and problems unique to divorced families."

--"Sociologists, demographers, and psychologists all failed to predict the post-World War II move to traditional Ozzie and Harriet, white-picket fence suburban marriages, and the baby boom. They didn't anticipate the soaring rates of divorce and teenage single births in the sixties and seventies, and they are equally baffled as to why these have recently declined."

(John Kelly is a co-author of this book.)

Source:
Judith Wallerstein quote from The Good Marriage by Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, author interview, Soundelux Audio, 1995.